99demonproblems asked: IHOP it is.

Don’t think this means you’re on my good side.

99demonproblems asked: Name a time and place~

I want pancakes. And whip cream.

99demonproblems asked: I know, right? Some days I can't handle looking at myself in the mirror because it's just so /painful/.

Hey, bullshitting is the name of the game that I rock at. I'll get us out of this with just a few scrapes.

You owe me dinner after this, you know that, right?

99demonproblems asked: They locked me up because they couldn't handle my swagger. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

You are so pretty sometimes it hurts. Really. 

I hope you can pull this off.

99demonproblems asked: Yeah, his name is Jack and apparently he swings /both/ ways and is up for some swinging. Don't I know how to pick 'em~?

Don’t worry, one day you’ll meet the right guy to take home to mom. Try to be less overt that whatever it is that got you in jail to begin with, yeah?

99demonproblems asked: Now when have you ever known me to do anything fancy? Shucks, I'm just a simple little boy, don't ya know~

Paperclips sound might fine to me. See you in ten?

Yeah. Oooh do I get to meet your new boyfriend?

99demonproblems asked: I don't have any cash and Jesse is kinda leaving me like Jack left Rose, so I say Leverage style is our best bet.

Awesome. I’ll slip you some paper clips and distract the cops? Or do you have something more fancy and elaborate in mind?

99demonproblems asked: Haha...
ha...
......


















PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T TELL HER. I want to live until I'm at least fifty, I WANT TO BE THE NEXT HUGH HEFNER. I have dreams, Claire. /Dreams/. And my mother will kill all of those and me if she finds out I'm in jail!!

Fine I’ll come and get you. But only because you’re begging and afraid of your mother. How much is the bail or are we doing this Leverage style?

99demonproblems asked: Claire, this isn't funny, dammit. Come pick me up before I have to dig my way out of here Shawshank Redemption style.

Oh I find this very, very funny. I think your mother would find it absolutely hilarious that you had to dig your way out of jail.

99demonproblems:

I’M WRITING A SONG ALL ABOUT YOU

A TRUE SONG ALL ABOUT MY TEARS—

PLEASE PICK UP YOUR PHONE, THE DUDE NEXT TO ME IS HITTING ON ME AND I’M REALLY SCARED

A song is all you have to offer me, really?

And of course the guy next to you his hitting on you, you’re very pretty.